This year I thought I would try out growing up, so I've been taking things a lot more seriously- which is, in truth, actually a whole lot more fun than it sounds.
What do I mean? I mean that I scoff less at people who I think are being ignorant, or needy, or mean, or otherwise imperfect because I know that sometimes I am also ignorant, needy, mean and otherwise imperfect.
I mean I don't get angry as much about the state of our country, or about the problems handed to my generation cultivated by the mistakes of past generations. Instead, I try to use the resources now available to me to come up with considerate and educated solutions, and I try to give the people in my life the hope, strength and tools they need to do it, too.
I do this because things may have been handed to us in this condition, but it's OUR world now- ours to change in a way that only we can. We may not be able to see the impact of the work we do in our lifetimes, but we can take steps in a positive direction anyway, if we want to.
We can care about it, ourselves and each other if we want to. Because there is something luminous about what sort of spirit lives in the hearts of those who left the world a better place than they found it. It's something beautiful and it makes everything worth it.
I work a lot more, and I mess around less. I used to hate the idea of putting effort toward something other than my own pursuit of pleasure. My idea of freedom was not what it is today. I work a lot. I take my job seriously, I'm proud of the work I do. I have a lot less time to do nothing (or at least have the option of doing nothing). But I am free to live a purpose-filled life, and I am free to do it in creative, unconventional and heart-warming ways. I work, and I get tired, but it's the Good Work, like I said I would do years before I understood what it meant, back when I only wanted to do it because I knew it was the ultimate source of pleasure.
A lot of things happen that aren't very fun when you grow up, like rent hikes, paperwork, budgets, moving furniture, sick kitties, pink eye, and car troubles. We get parking tickets and have to do responsible things like actually pay them, along with a bunch of other bills I used to ignore until they became a bigger problem than they needed to be.
They're not really a big deal, though. That's up to us, right? What's the big deal?
Alex and I aren't rich, or famous, or royalty but we live a life of great privilege, and I am thankful for being aware of that. We have our health, and jobs we love. We have families that we miss because they are so great and such an important part of our lives. We have old friends and new friends that we appreciate and two cats that we love to care for. We live in a beautiful place, and most of all, we have each other to share it with.
None of these things are without their sacrifices and stresses. All of these things take a lot of effort to have, and to keep. I'm thankful for finally having the common sense now that I'm older, to realize that self-pity is a waste of time. No one owes me a happy life- it's up to me to recognize the privileges I have, and to recognize that my choice to pursue a happy, appreciative life is a privilege in itself.
I still have to deal with just about the same amount of crappy stuff as I did years ago, it all just doesn't seem as huge and overwhelming anymore. Is that why it's called growing up? Maybe the more you mature, the smaller the problems appear.
Some day, what I've written in earnest here will seem naive to my future self. Things are good right now, so it's easy to feel like I figured out something important. But, I think I really did figure out something important- and I'm sure I will figure out something else equally important when I reflect on these good times years from now, when I might be either weaker or stronger than I am now, because when you grow up you don't shoot up infinitely into the sky, you break down and rebuild like an old New England square... you may not always be at your best, but you'll always have just a little bit more character.
